Yes I have been slacking on the updates. It’s been a full two weeks! I don’t know how you people made it without my weekly injection of wit and humor into your normally dull lives. I on the other hand have had plenty of excitement in the last two weeks.

The wife and I went into Burlington to meet with my Stem Cell transplant team for our five hour learning session. They laid out the steps of the procedure and what I can expect. There were a lot of words spoken and most of them I missed because my mind locked up when she pulled out this fire hose and explained they are going to stick it in my neck for the harvesting stage. Seriously she brought a prop and everything. She was waving it around like a limp pointing devices for half of her speech. I’m a little foggy on the details because I was focusing on scrubbing my mind of the image. I am fairly certain it’s the one in the picture below.

My wife did pay attention and asked all kinds of questions about how they get that in my neck and kept using words like “fascinating”. Pretty sure she was trying to say gross and terrifying, but on the other hand she enjoys watching Dr Pol go shoulder deep into a horses ass on TV so it’s anyone’s guess.

Seriously why is that man stripped to the waist? If I go in there and a doc comes in shirtless, dragging a hose they are going to need a lot more then a local to get me to stay still.

OK enough with the bitching lets break this down. First an amateur understanding of the point of Stem Cell transplants. There are many treatment options for Multi Myeloma. The problem is they get less effective over time. I can continue with my current RVD treatment and maybe in 2 years switch meds after a couple years ect ect. The problem is I am a young buck and have a lot of years ahead me. Ideally I want to keep all treatment options on the table for as long as possible. That’s what stem cell does.

When most people are diagnosed the Cancer flew under the radar for awhile and is basically partying like a high school kid who’s parents are away on vacation. Things get a bit out of control. By the time you start treatment Jimmy’s buddy has already puked on Mom’s bedspread and there are stains on the rug that just aren’t getting cleaned without professional intervention. Stem cell treatment is basically taking the furniture out, bleach bombing everything in the house then moving everything back in. They do this to reset you to zero, then a low does of treatment can keep the cancer it in check for a long period of time. The time varies but normally in the 4-10 year range.

It is a three stage process. First step is to get cleared healthy enough for the real deal kill em all chemo. I need a full dental check up to make sure I don’t have any hidden infections in my teeth. Then have to get a echo cardiogram and a breathing test to ensure my lungs and heart are good to go.

Stage 2 is where the fire hose to the neck comes in. This is the harvest stage. I get a series of shots that make my stem cells come out of my bone marrow and take a nice float in my blood stream. Then via the neck fire hose they collect the stem cells in the same way they do blood infusions. Basically my blood goes out the out valve and gets the stem cells stripped out then is returned via the return value. So yeah basic plumbing. This is two days and outside of the mental side effects of having that put in with nothing but a local numbing agent when they put and take it out the fire hose. They say the worst part is two-four days of boredom as I sit there attached to the machine. They seem pretty confident that they can get what they need for two stem cell transplants in 1 to 2 days. This is all done via outpatient I go in and then get to go home with the hose in my neck sleep and head back the day. This is scheduled for the 2nd week of September.

Stage 3 carpet bombing. They go in and kill em all. This isn’t the targeted chemo this is the ask no questions if it twitches kill it chemo. I go in and they insert a pic line under my color bone. For reasons I really can not fathom I get the “twilight drug” drug for that procedure and not the neck one. Anyways I get to fly in the clouds for a bit while they put the line in then I have two days of IV chemo that will kill all the cancer and all remaining stem cells in my body.

This has all the normal side effects of chemo, hair loss, immune system will be shot. Low to non existent red/white blood cells. They say also to expect nausea and fatigue. I am up over 20 lbs since I started treatment so a couple weeks of crash course diet might not be too bad. After the two days of chemo I go back on the transfusion machine and they re-insert my stem cells to kick off the recovery. They expect me to be in the hospital for 10-14 days and be under house arrest for about 100 days. During this time I can see people as long as they are feeling well and not starting to or recovering from any sickness.

I don’t have a official time for the start of stage three most likely looking sometime in October. So Oct-Dec I will be out of the general population, no take out food, no micro brewerys and eating mostly processed foods. One strange thing about this is I lose all my immunization. I got to go back six months later to get shots for the measles mumps ect. After that I should be go to go for sometime. Still got to get my monthly bone infusion for about a year but the good people at Lahey will have to find someone else to get stabby with every week.

That is the crash course on the stem cell transplant. They keep telling me that worst part is the boredom. We will see I’ve always found myself pretty damn entertaining. I just might need to have my wife change my amazon account password. Sometimes I decide to entertain myself with new toys delivered the same day and that can get out of hand petty quickly. The last time I was stuck at the house the wife insisted I buy a new guitar two mics and two new monitors. I tried to talk her out of it but she just wasn’t having it.

For now I got one last cycle to go through then I am done with the treatments until who knows when. That’s going to be good. Aug 20th will be my last treatment day, my Wife has promised to make me short ribs to celebrate. I would invite all you over for some tasty ribs but that would mean I would have to share them and I do not share my short ribs. Seriously I got cancer get your own.

If anyone wants more detailed information or to donate to research for Multiple Myeloma here is a link to the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation. These are the people who are most likely to find a cure. Which means no more blueberry muffins on Tuesday, but also no more shots and drugs that make demon babies. The muffins are good, but not that good.